A Quiet Sunday
by Mrs. Fred Astaire
Summary: What happens when the Cullens start arguing about the Civil War? How will they ever resolve their strange argument? Find out...
1. Chapter 1

_Hello, all! This is my first fanfiction piece. I hope that you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Special thanks to JNC, who planted the seed for this story in my mind. Please review!!!_

**Disclaimer: **_All of the characters in this story are the brain-children of Stephenie Meyer. They do not belong to me..._

_**A Quiet Sunday...**_

**_Chapter One_**

It was a quiet Sunday afternoon at the Cullen household. Carlisle and Esme were vigorously playing a game of gin rummy while their children and Bella were sprawled out on the floor of the living room. The weatherman had predicted a terrible storm and the Cullens, who had been planning on playing thunder ball, were all _very_ disappointed and _very_ bored. It had been over half an hour and everyone was desperate for something exciting to do.

"We could always play _Candyland_," suggested Emmett, who was enthused at the idea of playing a human board game. Everyone simultaneously gave him a dirty look. Bella started giggling uncontrollably.

"You could always get a life, Emmett," snapped Rosalie in reply.

"Have you guys ever tried playing video games?" suggested Bella timidly, trying to prevent a fight.

Alice smirked. "We tried playing _Grand Theft Auto_ once, but Edward got frustrated because the cars didn't go fast enough and Emmett broke the controls."

"Ah, I see how that could be a problem."

"Can we please reach some conclusion?" muttered Jasper from the corner.

"Come on!" Alice chimed. "What do y'all want to do?"

"_Y'all_?" Edward said, a smirk playing upon his beautiful lips. His eyes sparkled as he broke into a laugh.

Alice looked annoyed at his behavior. "Brother Edward, just because I'm a vampire doesn't change the fact that I'm from Biloxi, Mississippi!"

Edward was really laughing hard now. "But, your accent—it's so…_funny_."

Alice's usually placid face was filled with disgust. She had risen and walked over to her brother. "Oh yeah?!? So you think it's funny? Well, _you_ say your "a"s funny, Mr. Chicago!!!"

Everyone else in the room, especially Bella, looked slightly confused as to what was going on.

Now, Edward rose to look her in the eye. "Hey! Don't insult me just because I'm from the North!"

"So now who's all upset, you Yankee?"

Edward smiled sarcastically, "I just feel sorry for you because you're from the South. You never even had a chance…"

Suddenly, Emmett was standing behind Alice. "Excuse me?!? Don't you dare insult the South!"

"Why not?" Rosalie had come to stand behind Edward with an annoyed look on her face.

"You heard me, Emmett! The North beat the South during the Civil War for a reason!" said Edward.

Alice was in full swing now. "If I recall, it was the _South_ that won the Civil War…you people just can't accept the reality that we were right all along!"

"You are cruisin' for a bruisin' you Yankees!" Jasper shouted at Edward and Rosalie.

"Did I hear someone insult the North?" Esme had stopped playing gin rummy and was now approaching the consternation, looking extremely irritated. Carlisle looked somewhat bemused.

"Sorry, Esme, but the South is clearly better than the North andwe _did_ win the Civil War. I should know—I was there."

Edward seemed quite angry now. "Jasper, you have got to get over the fact that the North won the war. That's all…"

"The South won!!!" shouted Alice, Emmett, and Jasper in unison.

"Oh no you didn't!" yelled Edward, Rosalie, and Esme.

Bella, who had been watching the scene unfold from the couch finally got up and intervened. "Guys! You have all got to calm down."

"We cannot leave this question of who won in the air, Bella," snapped Rosalie.

"Well, you can't just stand here screaming at each other."

Just then, Alice's pixie-like features lit up. "I know how we could prove who is right…"

"How?"

"Why don't we reenact the Civil War and see who wins? We have three people on both sides."

"Alice, I hate to admit this, but you're a genius!" shouted an excited Edward.

"I knew this would happen, so I wanted a good backup plan…"

"Let's get ready. We'll see you on the battlefield, you Rednecks," said Rosalie.

Emmett took the opportunity of sticking his tongue out at her before the two teams split up to get ready. Perhaps this wasn't going to be such a boring afternoon after all.

_Thanks so much for reading! Please review... :)_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter Two**_

The sun was high in the sky over the field in the Cullen's backyard. It had been about an hour since the fight and both teams were ready to reenact the Civil War. At high noon, the two groups emerged in full regalia. Edward, Esme, and Rosalie were dressed in the crisp blue uniforms of the North, while Alice, Emmett, and Jasper (who was dressed in his General's uniform in which he had fought during the Civil War) were wearing the traditional gray. All of them were carrying antique swords. Bella, who had expressed her wish to remain neutral, was standing between the two opposing sides, playing _Dixie_ on a flute that Alice had lent her.

"You Yankees are going down!" shouted General Jasper. "You are no match for us Confederates!!!"

Esme retaliated with, "Abraham Lincoln could have kicked Jefferson Davis' ass any day!!!"

"You will regret that, Esme," shouted Alice.

"Come on, let's get this thing over with," Edward interjected.

"Okay…on your mark, get set…"

"Wait!!!" Carlisle was running from the house dressed in the Revolutionary garb of a Redcoat, carrying a bayonet.

"Carlisle, what are you doing?" said Edward, slightly puzzled.

"I want to play, too!!!"

"We are fighting the Civil War here, Carlisle!" Esme replied.

"But I want to play…" said Carlisle, pouting and widening his eyes. "Please, please, pretty please?!?"

Edward gave in. "Okay, dad, if you _really_ must."

"Yippee!"

Alice was growing impatient. "Can we get to the war at hand here? Are we ready?" Everyone nodded. "Okay: three, two, one…CHARGE!"

"Tally Ho!!!" shouted Carlisle shooting his bayonet into the air.

The two sides dashed at each other, poised for attack, and met in the center of the field. There was a loud clashing of swords in addition to Bella's rendition of _The Battle Hymn of the Republic._ Carlisle was skipping gleefully between the combatants, erratically shooting his bayonet into the air and clouding battlefield air with smoke from his gunpowder.

The fighting was fierce as the Northerners and Confederates each tried to assert themselves.

Edward was slowly defeating Jasper, whose sword techniques were a little rusty after a hundred and fifty years of neglect. Alice, who knew the exact moves that Rosalie would make, was fighting her off easily. Esme and Emmett were engaging in an all-out tickle war, which Emmett was losing miserably. Carlisle was fighting some imaginary minute-men on the far side of the field.

"So, Jasper, are you ready to surrender?"

"_Never_!!! I will never let Robert E. Lee down! I will fight to the death!"

"You do realize we can't actually die?"

"Aw, crap…well, I'll fight until _you_ give up!"

"I will never give up! Ulysses S. Grant is my homeboy!"

Rosalie was getting frustrated with each jab Alice's sword made at her.

"Alice, you are such a cheater! How am I supposed to even have a chance when you know everything I'm going to do?"

Alice was smiling radiantly now. "You'll just have to accept the fact that we Confederates are just more talented than you Yankees!"

Emmett was squealing loudly, "Esme! Stop...stop…I can't take it anymore…ah…stop!!!"

Bella had just switched to _Little Brown Jug_.

After about forty minutes, everyone had started lagging. The vigorous clashing had changed to desperate swiping. At last, Alice yelled out, "CEASE FIRE!" Everyone backed away and stared at her.

"What are we doing? Do you realize we have been out here for forty minutes not getting anywhere? We are all equally matched. We can't defeat each other. This is stupid…"

Edward dropped his sword. "You're right, Alice. What have we proven?"

"That Esme is a mean tickler!!!" cried Emmett.

"Let's go inside," Alice said.

Everyone collected their weapons, dusted off their uniforms, and got ready to go inside.

Suddenly, Carlisle screamed out from the far side of the field. "HUZZAH! HUZZAH!"

"What the…"

Carlisle came running over, thrusting his bayonet into the air triumphantly. "I won! I won!"

Everyone looked at him confusedly. Edward dared to speak, "What did you win?"

"The Revolution! I always knew we would stamp out those rebellious little colonials!"

"What?!?" said everyone in unison.

"Did you just insult Americans?" Rosalie hissed.

"Yes, I jolly well did."

Alice, Esme, Rosalie, Edward, Jasper, and Emmett all strutted forward in a line, drawing their swords. Bella has stopped playing and approached Carlisle, menacingly pounding the flute into her fist.

"You're going down, Carlisle…"

FINIS

_OMG…I am so excited! So many of you have written reviews on this piece. Thank you—they mean so much. Reviews are "exactly my brand of heroin" so please, please review! Thank you :) _


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